It's time for bed but I am a little wrought up over a fight that just ended between myself and some friends, so I thought writing a little might help. I want to mark some thoughts down as a reference for myself in the future...and maybe something to discuss in relationships with people for whom I care a great deal.
If I were to give advice on arguing after the experience I just had, it would be as follows:
1. If you are upset, go directly to the person and talk with him/her. Don't use a buffer, even if someone offers, or if you think it might be less awkward. Your feelings will not be communicated accurately, and it will be confusing.
2. If you are upset, have specific examples as to why.
3. Feelings aren't always within our control, and it's ok to be upset or hurt. However, when you approach your friend with your feelings, take into account your history together. Remember that your friend is not malicious and clearly did not set out to hurt you; and ask for his/her side of the story so that you can understand more fully what happened.
4. Be willing to resolve the issue when you approach your friend. The goal should be to restore the relationship. If you can't articulate exactly what it will take to 'make things right', that's ok; however, you should be willing to forgive when your friend apologizes.
5. Forgive quickly and completely. Though it can be tempting to hold on to your hurt and feelings of righteous indignation, your friend is being humble and caring to apologize. You should be compassionate and grateful. Forgiving quickly is important because people will not wait on you forever. While you are right to share your hurt and expect an apology, it is prideful to expect someone to grovel and pine for you while you take your time deciding whether you will take them back. You shouldn't want your friend to be in that painful and awkward position, and you should be excited to restore the relationship as soon as possible.
6. Above all things, put on love. The way you act in relationships should never be predicated upon how much you like the other person, or how valuable the relationship is to you. Rather, you ought to emulate Christ in your relationships, which means being humble and loving, even to someone you feel doesn't deserve it.
Be careful with each other, and don't get so caught up in what you think you deserve that you miss a chance to be compassionate and loving. I think the moment of forgiving someone is when we most resemble God. Seize your chance to be Christ to those around you.
