I'm running- or, at least, jogging- for President

Or at the very least, a candidate nomination. That's right, people, this person: 

                   Look real close, and you can see who I voted for in the last national election! 

could be the next leader of the free world. (Note that this photograph can also be used as a visual aid for how to vote, in the event that you are unsure of how to vote and/or live in the state of Florida.) Goal: achieve the Independent (or Libertarian, or Scientologist, whomever will have me really) party nomination for 2012 presidential candidacy. Of course, I have created a summary of my platforms for interested and civically engaged persons (i.e. anyone who is still reading). 

Platforms:

1. I will be the best-dressed President in history, not only because of the extended options culturally available in terms of wardrobe to a female president (see skirts, dresses, the occasional skort to keep it interesting) but also because I plan on dressing exclusively in "PowerWear", the high fashion clothing line based on the former Libyan leader (let's all agree that's a very generous noun) Gaddafi's histrionic style. 

                         The devil wears... well... that has got to be his own brand, right?

2. I will mandate a reworking of the national anthem to a simpler, more catchy version, preferably with lyrics that Christina Aguilera can remember. Rebecca Black will be hired to produce the song and accompanying video. 

3. I will forgive all student debt, regardless of whether or not it apologizes, or means that apology from the heart. 

4. I am the only openly declared pro-hat candidate, and I will continue to support the free wearing of hats by men, women, members of the LGBT community, and children alike. Here I am pictured with some of my hat-enthusiast constituents-- YOU CAN JOIN THIS MOVEMENT:

                                  Cover your heads. Cover America. 

5. I will make a mix cd for every voter (pending changes in DRM once I assume office) that is guaranteed to include at least one Black Keys track and no Nickelback songs whatsoever.

6. I will overcome the hostility and division within our current administration, beginning with mandatory field trips for all members of Congress. This is including but not limited to a trip to Goodwill in which they will all have to choose outfits for each other and then wear those outfits until a bill is successfully signed into law.

7. I will address the national fiscal crisis by implementing cost-saving and revenue-generating ideas, such as leasing out Camp David on weekends for hosting parties. Discounts will be available for any parties with open bars; no parties that require guests to wear costumes will be accommodated. 

Look for my campaign launch coming soon with chalk on a sidewalk near you. 

rkb