I’m two months into my first real job. By “real”, of course, I’m applying certain parameters to the job, since I have legitimately been working since I was sixteen. (Odd jobs, though, we’re not talking about salt mines here. And if anyone other than me had already mentally jumped to salt mines, I’m gonna go ahead and suggest that you read less Neruda and spent some more time outdoors.) At sixteen I had a job as a sales associate at a retail store (hated), from which I moved on to the public library (loved), and then carried a few different jobs during college, mostly working for my university.
So when I say “real”, I mean a few, very specific things, meaning:
1. Working full-time (40+ hours a week).
2. Making a living wage (at least…theoretically. Once you factor in my student loans, I think I may actually be eligible for food stamps, and absolutely low-income housing).
3. Developing an enormous aversion to taxation, even to the point of denying my dependence upon government-provided public goods (i.e. roads, mail, law enforcement personnel).
It’s kind of weird, working full-time. I never realized how much time it actually takes to be at work all day (and though it’s only 8 or 9 hours, it does feel like all day sometimes). And it feels strange that so much of my time and life experiences are starting to take place at work- away from my family, friends, and “real” life. I guess with a little more solipsism, work will start to feel more like real life and less like something I do in order to get back to my life afterwards.
So, obviously, I’m still figuring all of this out. I sort of feel the need to begin integrating my personality into my workplace so that my hours there feel less like lost time. I’ve found a couple things that have helped make me feel better about officially entering the workforce, though. (Not the least of which being able to use the phrase “the workforce”. It’s empowering, I think, for two reasons: one, it sounds like a lateral reference to Star Wars to me, and invoking a pervasive cultural phenomenon has never led anyone astray, right? And two, it also sounds vaguely cultish, which I can’t help but enjoy.)
My desk at work
Decorating my workspace has been fun. I’m not talking full-size Beiber posters here (though I respect Beliebers; has anyone read his autobiography? That’s write- he’s already written one) I am talking about bringing some pictures of my family and friends, and a postcard from Quito that Hannah sent me. In addition, I posted this picture of the musical artist Darwin Deez next to one of my computer monitors.
You are my radar detector
Although I’m actually 90% sure that there’s an office rumor that I have a weird Al obsession, Darwin is staying. He makes me happy, and that counts for something.
I also try to find something fun to do during my lunch break. I saw a special on the news last week that recommended office workers Google a picture of a tree or stream and gaze at it for a minute during their lunch hour in order to rejuvenate, which kind of sounds sad to me. But the point is good to find something refreshing to do to make the day deepen. Poetry works for me. I’ll eat lunch and then read Levine until my day feels vibrant again. Maybe you listen to your favorite Beiber song. You know, whatever works.
Maybe I’ll never feel totally myself at work; maybe that’s a good thing. I do think a level of detachment and professionalism is necessary and appropriate. But sometimes it leaves me feeling less than wholehearted. But perhaps not to be is to be without your being. Ok, now we all need to step away from the Neruda…
rkb
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