How is everybody? I don’t know why I feel compelled to start this thing like I’m a stand-up comedian, but I feel sort of weird just jumping in without acknowledging y’all. Our readership. And by readership, I mean Hannah Chupp, and my mother (hi Mom). Hello to both of you- and anyone else who accidentally stumbled upon this blog and managed to read this far. Welcome. It’s about to get real.
Weirdest dating add ever...the couch makes it even more creepy, right?
I want to write about something that’s been bothering me this week: a question that was posed to me by two separate friends and a family member (hi again, Mom) over a space of three days (and in two different languages). That question was this: “Do you have a boyfriend?” (with accompanying iterations of “Don’t you want one?” and “But you forgot to tell me about your boyfriend!”)
Indulge in my self-diagnosis for a while. Because while being asked this question really quite bothers me, I’m not sure exactly why. First of all, to be clear, I am single. Secondly, I’m feeling pretty happy about that (there’s no object of affection that I am pining after…Adam Brody aside). What I mean by “feeling pretty happy” is that I enjoy my friends, my job, my life, and in general don’t find myself missing the guy who isn’t there.
...you're welcome
So why does the question bother me so much? Whenever I am asked about this, I feel immediately defensive. Like I should be able to account for the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend. Or should be prepared to offer reasons for my general disinterest in most of the men I have met thus far. I think it also strikes me as (somewhat- only somewhat, but still) sexist. Like the other major events in my life (graduating from college, getting a job, etc.) are interesting in their place but surely can’t be fulfilling. Right?
So what’s my problem? I want a boyfriend… I guess. I feel like it’s hard to say that with any level of certainty until I actually meet someone with whom I really connect. I find myself not making too much of an effort to “meet new people”, and I wonder if I should feel guilty for that. And to be honest, the one guy who asked me out last month, I basically flaked on (which I do feel bad about… but not enough to call him). Canceled on him, told him I would call him, and didn’t. I just wasn’t that into it, I suppose.
So should I feel bad about this? I feel like so many people- and significantly, the people in my life who really matter to and care about me- seem to feel that I am missing something major here. I just don’t (internally) feel all that rushed to find someone now. Or, at all. I mean, I think marriage is wonderful, and I am certainly open to it… but I can also see myself living quite happily on my own. So should I buy the litterbox now, or later?
rkb
Postscript: Mami wrote to me this message after I emailed her back yesterday, telling her I am still without a boyfriend: “Claro que si voy a orar por el gran hombre y varon que Dios te de por esposo mija, ya sabes te queremos muchismo y estamos contentos por ti.” And I am humbled by this. Maybe the questions are less laden with pressure and implied failure than I think. Maybe I’m internalizing a lot more subtext than I ought to be. Maybe this is just people, wanting to keep with with what (and who) is important in my life.
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